I truly don't understand this world anymore. I thought that I would get oldet and wiser, but I'm confounded each and every day by so and so's newest endeavor in clout-chasing.
When did people become so desperate for likes from strangers?
Wednesday, January 22, 2020
Monday, January 13, 2020
The Return
Pete Rock - Smooth Sailing
All told,
I'm gold,
speaking to my people
(Who's there?)
No one cares...about their underwear
(Say what?)
Never mind
Let me tell you what I find
surreal,
unreal
and perhaps a bit unkind.
This world
is nuts
like a drunk
smooching butts
in an alley
behind McNally's
with the boys
in the buff
who have never had enough.
Yo, chill
is the pill,
in my mind,
and I won't let you in.
but I'm back, I'm back,
and ready to attack!
(Right after a doze and a snack...)
Don't worry,
I was wit no one furry.
But I see,
with my gleam,
a world unfamiliar to me.
All told,
I'm gold,
speaking to my people
(Who's there?)
No one cares...about their underwear
(Say what?)
Never mind
Let me tell you what I find
surreal,
unreal
and perhaps a bit unkind.
This world
is nuts
like a drunk
smooching butts
in an alley
behind McNally's
with the boys
in the buff
who have never had enough.
Yo, chill
is the pill,
in my mind,
and I won't let you in.
but I'm back, I'm back,
and ready to attack!
(Right after a doze and a snack...)
Don't worry,
I was wit no one furry.
But I see,
with my gleam,
a world unfamiliar to me.
Thursday, December 26, 2019
2019 in review
I know nothing. I am nothing.
This world is stranger than any wild future I could have ever perceived.
It's all backwards. Politics globally are out of wack and somehow Nazis are back. The acceptance of facts and logic is seldomly practiced, and deceit has become the norm because it's rewarded with riches and success.
This is no place for the honest, only the bragadocious.
This world is stranger than any wild future I could have ever perceived.
It's all backwards. Politics globally are out of wack and somehow Nazis are back. The acceptance of facts and logic is seldomly practiced, and deceit has become the norm because it's rewarded with riches and success.
This is no place for the honest, only the bragadocious.
Sunday, December 22, 2019
Escape
I think what I miss most is the freedom.
Chilling wit da boys
Chatting up single women
Wondering what adventures could happen
Realizing the unknown possibilities
Maybe engaging in a difference of individual philosophy, who knows
Shit
At the bare minimum
Dancing
Floating on my back in the swaying waves
Being cradled by a lack of responsibility
A boy's fantasy, really
Fantasy vs reality
Life sets in.
New priorities began in 2017.
Do the best for Jenny.
In 2020, I'll share with her what I love most.
Travel
Diversity
Learning
Photography
Music
The Arts
I realize, in most movies, what I see is an escape for the audience. Obvi, right? For example, older characters represent the return of youth and vitality. Drinking steadily, wantonly, from The Fountain of Youth, will never cease to appeal to the experienced ones with torn hands and creaky backs.
I marvel at the extraordinary power and resilience of youth. I have such high hopes for Jenny. Engineer, doctor, entrepreneur, whatever makes her happy and independent.
Man, I just want to make Annie happy. I'm happy we've communicated about more frequent date nights. I'll do anything for her. She's my rock, and truly, the reason why I breathe.
Fuck, let me figure out some shit for us to do...I'm excited about
Chilling wit da boys
Chatting up single women
Wondering what adventures could happen
Realizing the unknown possibilities
Maybe engaging in a difference of individual philosophy, who knows
Shit
At the bare minimum
Dancing
Floating on my back in the swaying waves
Being cradled by a lack of responsibility
A boy's fantasy, really
Fantasy vs reality
Life sets in.
New priorities began in 2017.
Do the best for Jenny.
In 2020, I'll share with her what I love most.
Travel
Diversity
Learning
Photography
Music
The Arts
I realize, in most movies, what I see is an escape for the audience. Obvi, right? For example, older characters represent the return of youth and vitality. Drinking steadily, wantonly, from The Fountain of Youth, will never cease to appeal to the experienced ones with torn hands and creaky backs.
I marvel at the extraordinary power and resilience of youth. I have such high hopes for Jenny. Engineer, doctor, entrepreneur, whatever makes her happy and independent.
Man, I just want to make Annie happy. I'm happy we've communicated about more frequent date nights. I'll do anything for her. She's my rock, and truly, the reason why I breathe.
Fuck, let me figure out some shit for us to do...I'm excited about
No Sleep 'Til...
Angel - Goldie
I couldn't sleep again last night. My mind's swimming with bugs of anxiety again. Am I doing what's right? Can I do better? How can I return to what makes me happy? Why am I always so thirsty, wanting more, needing more, never satiated enough? When did I become so selfish?
Who is this horizontal man, the one who solely consumes agents of sloth, leering at the paint of time drying on the wall behind the screens?
What is life?
Could the dissolution of The Net be the cure?
I couldn't sleep again last night. My mind's swimming with bugs of anxiety again. Am I doing what's right? Can I do better? How can I return to what makes me happy? Why am I always so thirsty, wanting more, needing more, never satiated enough? When did I become so selfish?
Who is this horizontal man, the one who solely consumes agents of sloth, leering at the paint of time drying on the wall behind the screens?
What is life?
Could the dissolution of The Net be the cure?
Monday, August 5, 2019
The Day I Lost You
Alice in Chains - Down in a Hole/Nutshell
Shards of my soul have fallen into the void. Tumbling down, I see them escape, end over end into the darkness, and as I reach out to retrieve them, I pause and realize that I don't want to drop in and lose myself. So I pull back to save myself as a stubborn tear follows in after them.
The fear of losing you suddenly became true. I thought we'd grow old together while we watched our kids play, but people change and things are never the same. Am I holding on to you as you are or the memory of who you were? My door will always be open for when you return, but I can't sacrifice an iota of attention to you anymore.
I thought that, several months ago, that the blurry dreams of separation were false and baseless. I should have known then, that my sight was clear, but I was still surprised by how quickly twenty five years end. I hope I'm wrong, but for now, I'll leave it and you be.
I'm done chasing a lost, scared child who wants to be alone. My desire to protect and preserve has dwindled, and instead, a decreasing amount of hope trickles in. You think you've got it figured out? Well, I wish you the best as you flounder to find home.
Shards of my soul have fallen into the void. Tumbling down, I see them escape, end over end into the darkness, and as I reach out to retrieve them, I pause and realize that I don't want to drop in and lose myself. So I pull back to save myself as a stubborn tear follows in after them.
The fear of losing you suddenly became true. I thought we'd grow old together while we watched our kids play, but people change and things are never the same. Am I holding on to you as you are or the memory of who you were? My door will always be open for when you return, but I can't sacrifice an iota of attention to you anymore.
I thought that, several months ago, that the blurry dreams of separation were false and baseless. I should have known then, that my sight was clear, but I was still surprised by how quickly twenty five years end. I hope I'm wrong, but for now, I'll leave it and you be.
I'm done chasing a lost, scared child who wants to be alone. My desire to protect and preserve has dwindled, and instead, a decreasing amount of hope trickles in. You think you've got it figured out? Well, I wish you the best as you flounder to find home.
Wednesday, July 31, 2019
Preacher man - Melody Gardot
I feel like these days are getting infinitely better and brighter, like I'm beginning to see the light again after trudging along for an indeterminable distance in the dark.
Left, Right, Left, Right, head up...hmmm, still can't see...head down, LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT, RIGHT, REPEEEEEEEEAT...
The power of belief, with a spark that hadn't been snuffed completely, in fact, so complete in the complete inaction of laziness, the satisfaction of the almost but not quite, coupled with the disappointing, but inevitably expected gasp of "good enough" floating in the air, is beginning to breathe new life into me. It's strange how reaffirmation in the system and its inner gears of machinery and machinations, can suddenly illuminate a path that seemed somewhat dim.
Before now, the world seemed to remain still, no spinning, no revolutions, just sitting lifelessly, bobbing indiscernibly and ever so slightly, in the vast blackness of outer space.
Now though? Maaaaaaaaan, you better believe it's looking up and up. This cynic is, I fear, slowly losing his adamantine shell of indifference. I'm starting to, oddly enough, care again and decimate the various walls that I barricade myself within.
Left, Right, Left, Right, head up...hmmm, still can't see...head down, LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT, RIGHT, REPEEEEEEEEAT...
The power of belief, with a spark that hadn't been snuffed completely, in fact, so complete in the complete inaction of laziness, the satisfaction of the almost but not quite, coupled with the disappointing, but inevitably expected gasp of "good enough" floating in the air, is beginning to breathe new life into me. It's strange how reaffirmation in the system and its inner gears of machinery and machinations, can suddenly illuminate a path that seemed somewhat dim.
Before now, the world seemed to remain still, no spinning, no revolutions, just sitting lifelessly, bobbing indiscernibly and ever so slightly, in the vast blackness of outer space.
Now though? Maaaaaaaaan, you better believe it's looking up and up. This cynic is, I fear, slowly losing his adamantine shell of indifference. I'm starting to, oddly enough, care again and decimate the various walls that I barricade myself within.
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