Rough One

 I failed as a parent tonight.

I have to let shit slide for the greater good.

I wasn’t a dad.  I was a bully.

He has a strong will.  I have to be better about persuading him.  I don’t want him to develop Daddy issues.

Is This It?

 Rough patch

"What a match!"

Avoiding me constantly 

Can't shake this, feel like I got a flea

Love my kids

But I hate this home

No control

Constant guilt

Even when I live in filth

Stay and fight

Or turn out the lights

Am I happy

Or faking it

I don't know

When to quit

Nobody listens to me

I can't rely 

And I always hear

"I'm sorry for"

I truly feel

She doesn't care about me

And alone is what she wants to be. 

No presence during coitus

Just the vibe

"Let's get this over with."

I'm always tired

I can't help it

I can't go to her for emotional support 

Forget

 Drink to forget, 

Or forget to drink?

I can’t recall

C’mon, man, think

Which Q came first,

Which Q precedes?

Hold it up, in a cup 

Take a sip and think.

Do I love you

Or do I love pain?

The only strife in life 

Where tears remain

Have one last sip 

And Down I’ll sink

Into my thoughts 

All the battles 

That I’ve fought

Do I need you in my life,

Or am I stronger without

Like time that lingers on

Filled with sorrow and doubt?

Sippin into darkness, 

oh woe, ol boy 

Slow descent

Must repent 

This love runs deep.

Cheerful?

 I feel…

Crippled by life

Am I doing wrong?

Am I doing right?

Shackled by bonds

Of dutiful might

Without control

Without light

My bones growing old 

And so numb to the cold

I feel

I have lost

All ability

To feel.

Powerless

Without choice

Without a rudder

Drifting into the sea

Of what used to be

Limitless possibilities.

I let the current take me 

To depths of the mind unknown

To my self of before

Who am I now 

matters not 

But who I want to be 

Remains a mystery…

Or not.

It’s suddenly so clear, and it came almost effortlessly.

A father J and P can admire

A soul who weathered the icy fire

A man reborn with resolve

Who crawled through the muck and mire.

A hubby for A-

A strong partner of silence 

A man without absence

Ears never tired.

This route consists of a few last hurdles

Cut the route

Family time

Good news is

I see the finish line

I don’t want them to hate me

I want to guide them 

Be there for them

In good times and bad

But I don’t want to be that guy 

Who’s always coming down on them.

I used to be so happy.  Naturally.  Organically.  I still can be. I will not stop, and I will be.  One step at a time. 

Shiver

 I shiver at your touch

Adrift in a sea 

Of distant memory.

It sounds like too much

But I cannot believe

How swiftly I retreat

Like a turtle into its shell

I’m scared of what will become

Of the heart’s evolution

As we revolve around the sun.

As we float on

This shabby raft of destiny

I know how fine we’ll be.

Four bobbing souls of gold

Intertwined at the seams

We’ll find security 

Like a turtle into its shell

Aware of what will become

Of the heart’s evolution

As we revolve around the sun.

Over

 I’m over it.

Downhill from here , ol chum

Cold

 I want to 

Be comforted

And consoled

But for some reason 

You’re so cold.

As I age

And see my light fade

I look to you

But you’re so cold.

When The timing’s right

To heat up the night

I must ask

But you’re so cold.

What I want

What I need

Inflict more pain

After the deed

I can’t align

With your vibes 

And sadness grows

Evermore each day.

The rift began

So slowly

But soon strikes

In ways swift.

I hate asking

So emasculating

To beg, plead, and coerce but

 be turned away.

I feel numb

To your touch

Because you’re so cold

But it hurts more every time.