Is This It?

 Rough patch

"What a match!"

Avoiding me constantly 

Can't shake this, feel like I got a flea

Love my kids

But I hate this home

No control

Constant guilt

Even when I live in filth

Stay and fight

Or turn out the lights

Am I happy

Or faking it

I don't know

When to quit

Nobody listens to me

I can't rely 

And I always hear

"I'm sorry for"

I truly feel

She doesn't care about me

And alone is what she wants to be. 

No presence during coitus

Just the vibe

"Let's get this over with."

I'm always tired

I can't help it

I can't go to her for emotional support 

Forget

 Drink to forget, 

Or forget to drink?

I can’t recall

C’mon, man, think

Which Q came first,

Which Q precedes?

Hold it up, in a cup 

Take a sip and think.

Do I love you

Or do I love pain?

The only strife in life 

Where tears remain

Have one last sip 

And Down I’ll sink

Into my thoughts 

All the battles 

That I’ve fought

Do I need you in my life,

Or am I stronger without

Like time that lingers on

Filled with sorrow and doubt?

Sippin into darkness, 

oh woe, ol boy 

Slow descent

Must repent 

This love runs deep.

Cheerful?

 I feel…

Crippled by life

Am I doing wrong?

Am I doing right?

Shackled by bonds

Of dutiful might

Without control

Without light

My bones growing old 

And so numb to the cold

I feel

I have lost

All ability

To feel.

Powerless

Without choice

Without a rudder

Drifting into the sea

Of what used to be

Limitless possibilities.

I let the current take me 

To depths of the mind unknown

To my self of before

Who am I now 

matters not 

But who I want to be 

Remains a mystery…

Or not.

It’s suddenly so clear, and it came almost effortlessly.

A father J and P can admire

A soul who weathered the icy fire

A man reborn with resolve

Who crawled through the muck and mire.

A hubby for A-

A strong partner of silence 

A man without absence

Ears never tired.

This route consists of a few last hurdles

Cut the route

Family time

Good news is

I see the finish line

I don’t want them to hate me

I want to guide them 

Be there for them

In good times and bad

But I don’t want to be that guy 

Who’s always coming down on them.

I used to be so happy.  Naturally.  Organically.  I still can be. I will not stop, and I will be.  One step at a time. 

Shiver

 I shiver at your touch

Adrift in a sea 

Of distant memory.

It sounds like too much

But I cannot believe

How swiftly I retreat

Like a turtle into its shell

I’m scared of what will become

Of the heart’s evolution

As we revolve around the sun.

As we float on

This shabby raft of destiny

I know how fine we’ll be.

Four bobbing souls of gold

Intertwined at the seams

We’ll find security 

Like a turtle into its shell

Aware of what will become

Of the heart’s evolution

As we revolve around the sun.

Over

 I’m over it.

Downhill from here , ol chum

Cold

 I want to 

Be comforted

And consoled

But for some reason 

You’re so cold.

As I age

And see my light fade

I look to you

But you’re so cold.

When The timing’s right

To heat up the night

I must ask

But you’re so cold.

What I want

What I need

Inflict more pain

After the deed

I can’t align

With your vibes 

And sadness grows

Evermore each day.

The rift began

So slowly

But soon strikes

In ways swift.

I hate asking

So emasculating

To beg, plead, and coerce but

 be turned away.

I feel numb

To your touch

Because you’re so cold

But it hurts more every time.

Patter

 The pitter patter of little feet

Searching to and fro

For something yummy to eat

When they are gone

How I miss them so

Without them

I wouldn’t know where to go.