Showing posts with label teaching. Show all posts
Showing posts with label teaching. Show all posts

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Teaching...




I’m having trouble differing between reality and fantasy again.  It happened again today.  I was teaching, looking at my students, and I just felt myself leaving my body.  Floating effortlessly, I wafted towards the chalkboard.  Looking at my surroundings, I finally focused on the back of my head. ‘You really have to stop giving yourself shitty haircuts, people will start to think you’re off the rocker…’  Who said that?  Regardless, it wasn’t such a big mystery.  

Everything always seems to have gone by in flashes, like a strobing light that casts these minutes of amnesia, as if the seconds in between them are actually hours, because before I knew it, I had left the classroom. I started watching myself through the glass from outside of the door as my corporal went through the motions and taught on the other side. I knew I had about 2 hours left of teaching period 2, so I left noticing myself jumping on the desk, getting the students all wild-eyed and rambunctious about The Tell-Tale Heart.  Yeah, he's got it under control...and I took off.

Walking down the yellow and gray hallway, my mind started to wander again.  I was looking down at the ground, counting the soundless thuds my faded, brown boots weren’t making on the scuffed linoleum.  ‘Yea, he’s got them under his thumb, especially that Tony Valdez.  I’ll just be gone for 10 minutes, run around the building or something.’ I said to myself.  Then I started to think, if I talk to myself, while having an out-of-body experience, does that mean I’m crazy?  Better yet, I’m having this out-of-body experience, does THAT mean I’m crazy?  

My mind has the tendency to travel light years ahead and make round trips into and from the realm of the forgotten.  I’ve been at this school for about two years now.  I can’t even believe two years have passed by.  At first, I was this clean-shaven, baby-soft shirt, tie, and pressed slacks-wearing rookie, nervous and sweating about the young minions about to devour my soul.  Now, I come in, I haven’t shaved for weeks, haven’t shined my shoes in months, and I’ve got those cherubic puppies eatin out the palm of my hand. The small people love me, and they do whatever I say, it’s bizarre.  

Monday, February 8, 2010

02-09-10 Pohang, South Korea

So terrified...my heart is stomping against my chest...trying to get out...

It's 9:30 AM, and as much as I love teaching, I'm sweating and shaking, my nerves are breaking, and I really am reaching for my ultimate daydream that my students won't show up...

You've gotta understand, if you've ever taught young'uns, you can hear them stampede to your room, their indiscernible chirps get increasingly louder with each breath-stopping step, each second passes and each hair on your body stands up at attention, little follicle soldiers ready for action, you realize you're holding your breath, but you can't will yourself to breathe...you just wait...and panic culminates deep in your bones and you're paralyzed...waiting for that explosive release...and then it happens....time stops when you hear the knock on the door...it all rises to a blissful climax when they slide that door open and shout, "HELLO TEACHER!!"

1st grade...little monsters that can't be contained in one activity for more than 5 minutes...