Enjoyable

 After boom-boom,

"Enjoyable,"

Monotone drone

Well damn,

Ain't that a kick in the head

Peace

 I'm struggling to find my peace again.  All I feel is an inner turmoil, one that seeks to find balance while afloat in a rowboat poised delicately stop stormy seas. 

I read this helpful bit about stoicism, and I remember this gem from today's sermon: there are temptations and distractions all around you.  Find what you need, and don't become overly-invested emotionally.  What really roils is our perception and judgement of any scenario.  We can't control everything, but we can control how we react to whatever trigger is out there.

I'm drying out.  Boozin and snoozin set me on a course for steady losing.  The first day of quitting is always the worst.  Grumpiness abound.  Maybe I enjoy the pain of quitting.  Who knows.

Done with the sauce for August.

Wish me luck.

I Feel It

Shit, this might be it.  

We'll see. 

After dawn, 

the morning comes

to shine bright light 

upon your door's front.

Some dorks might say,

"What kinda shit is this?" 

and they'd be right, 

but they can suck it.

I could've said, 

'light shines so bright

after morn's dawn,' but 

then I'd be bound

by Hell's law 

to follow up 

with some drivel

like, "like Baby's breath

on your front lawn,"

(or some other spittle.)

[Bonus rhyme, eh!]

So, forgive me, but

I'm not doing all that.

Here's what I think, 

and let's leave it at that.

I did not run

from life's mistakes

instead I've done

whatever it takes

to do what's right

and just and fair...

all qualities found

in derrieres...

Although I am

misunderstood, 

it sure made sense

in my postal redbook.

I'm breaking free 

'cuz my time has come

I can't believe

what (in-the-world!) I've done.

I've felt the burn

of a thousand suns

as they descended from

searing breath of mgmt.

I used to commute

three hours a day

to carry among gunshots

for an 8-hour day.

You think I'm lying

but I'm really not,

I can't believe

I didn't get shot.

I wish I could

be a Postie's Man, 

for what it entails

defies my travails.

I'm just The Man

because of a plan

to swallow the shit 

and sidestep the demands.

I played the long game, 

five-year sin my hand...

traveling all over

this beautiful land.

I ne'er sought to

miss play dates

'cuz missin' the fam

will always frustrate.

I did the do

what you have to

do, play the game

and remain sane.

That'd be a lie, 

I must confess, 

'cuz my fam's best, 

but I digress.

How'er I just

wanna say,

"My wife is right, 

and so are the kids,"

So you can suck it

if you don't like it 

that I drive so slow

and walk so fast

to deliver mail

hear and their...

it's been fun

I had a blast.

I can't believe 

the miracles that,

that, I achieved

both far and near.

From strutting here

 and swaying there, 

I've finally found 

my sense of where.

I ultimately did

what I had to do

to get close to family 

who justly understood.  

Be a Man

 I drink to forget

About the pain and regret,

A thousand jabs

Before every sunset.

It's hard to believe

That this is my life,

How I tolerate

Shots fired by the wife.

It hurts to proclaim

That it's not a big deal,

To dismiss and ignore

How I truly feel.

"Be a Man," she had said,

As we sought to smash bugs, 

Surely it was in jest

As I choke tears back in my chest.

"Be a Man," she had said, 

Effortless in breath.

I must have forgot,

Love's grave's a slow death.

Acredale

 The first week is in the books.  Digging the office so far.  We'll see how long this lasts...

I remember being excited about Yorktown, and look at how that shit show turned out.

Anti-doctor

 I can't believe the doctor is anti-doctor.  Every month, I ask her to call the doctor, and every month, she tells me she's gonna wait a few days.  I'm gonna keep track of how many times I ask her.  I worry because if she's ignoring me now, then I'm in serious trouble when we're elderly.

Why do you have to talk to me like I'm a fucking idiot when you state "there's no cure for the common cold?" Why do you feel the desire to belittle me?  When did you lose respect for me as your husband?  You said, "please trust that I know what to do with my body," like I'm some misogynist.  When did you arrive at this misperception that I'm some neanderthal whom doesn't respect a woman's choice over her body?  I adore you, and I believe in equity in a relationship, but it hurts that you see me like I'm some jerk who's catcalling and grabbing asses.

I'm annoyed because you don't listen to me, you don't respect me as your partner, and you insult me when I look out for you.

Anxiety

 I need quiet.  Stillness.  I don't want to take the pills.  Maybe the naps are my way of reclaiming my peace.

I understand I have nothing to worry about.  But at the same time, I can't help it.  

I worry about finding the karate class that takes 3 year olds.  I worry about setting Jenny and Phil on the right path.  I worry about being the best supportive partner for Annie.  I worry about finding tranquility at work.  I worry about not worrying myself to death.

I've gotta find an outlet.  The bike helps.