St. Vincent

 You, 

I'm a silent fan of you,

A stalker in the night,

Filled with auditory delight.

I wish I may,

and I just might,

send a message of

admiration and 

pleasant surprise.

I really dig your musical tastes

It provides the mind with fruitful escape

to another land of

hope, light and dreams

But, of course,

In this world, 

Nothing is as it seems.

I used to share mixtapes, 

and burned cds, 

and copies of things, 

mostly music 

bustin the mental seams

Because life is short,

And filled with pockets,

Of memories 

And reveries

And shared loves with sockets 

(An allusion to being open,

A stretch,

But I digress)

Long story short,

My brain digs yours,

The wealth of knowledge

And access to

Our shared love

Of tape decks.

Hang in There

 Happy Holidays,

To you and yours!

It's funny how we

Just stay indoors,

To escape the fun

Of bug and cough.

It makes me wanna

Take the year off.

I didn't want to

Send you a check,

But I had the funds, 

So here's the rest. 

As a man of mail,

I gotta say,

You're doing a hell

Of a great job,

So, please hang in there; 

The world needs more

Of that pure spirit. 

Thanks!

WS2

 I was very happy, 

almost ecstatic, 

on cloud nine 

without a care 

in the everlasting world, 

and then,

tragically, 

I  saw you.

Scraps

 No, I don't want your scraps.  Although I'm grateful for a lobster roll, I want it to be fresh.   You're sick, so, no, I  don't want your scraps.

I feel like you don't care enough to see me happy.  On one hand, you tried, and I'm grateful. On the other hand, I don't want to settle for scraps.

The Struggles of Happiness

 Is it gardening 

Homebrew

Coitus en masse

Reading

Dinner parties

Flirting

Dancing

Playing music

Cleaning

Writing 

Creating

Firing all of the pistons?

I don't know 

Why it is

I struggle

To ascertain 

What makes my heart smile 

Like 

Significant difficulty

Shopping at Walgreens

For something that makes me happy 

The worms

Give me acid reflux,

And the cranberries

Give me diarrhea.

My body's changing 

I'm old-ish, and

I don't feel the same desires as before.

I struggle to find friends.

I'm lulled by the sirens of streaming.

I don't know what makes me happy anymore. 

Espresso

 I bring smiles to people.  Some frowns.  Mostly grins though.  Today, I dropped off a package to a lady who was parked in her driveway.  She was wearing military fatigues. Green ones.  Her name tag indicated "Air Force."

I dismounted my mail truck, and brought it to her, stating my usual, "Special delivery for the world-famous so-and-so!"

I saw the happiness from her eyes before I caught her wide smile.  Her eyes were open, like mad saucers.

She said, "Oh, I've been waiting for this!"

I told her I was happy to deliver.

She said, "It's my espressoooooiioo!  WHEEEEEEEE!"

I shit you not.

My first thought was, maybe I shouldn't deliver this one.  Somebody had to cut her off.

But, I did, and moved on to capture this joyful moment.

Wilma

I'm tired of hearing

"I'm sorry,"

And I'm tired of asking

"Can you...,"

because you never do

I can't rely on you

I don't want to live

Within the walls of silence

Where two souls never speak

But only sadly coexist.

Power-Washer

 Livid

Why do I have to ask for them to return my shit?

Why aren't they trying harder? 

None of them care about how I feel.

They must think I'm some punk.

Midnight Mass

 Our existence is fleeting,

And soon it'll cease to be.

Like the moon's fog by eve's bay

Just a distant memory.

Actors

 Actors pretend, but don't we all?

What's different, but how far we fall

Pretty Litter

 I don't think

 that pretty woman 

will be as excited

about that

kitty litter

as she currently

appears to be.

Ads

 What do you want me to buy?

I'll do it 

The flashing stripes and bars

Shameless

But attractive

Labor Day Sale?

The poos-daying union member in me righteously grumbles "Aye."

(Proud union member, and I chose to attend every union meeting, from Philly to VA B, bitches)

These ads though, got me opening my wallet, checking for my motorcycle learner's permit, and closing that leather bad boy up, because I'm not contributing to capitalist chaos.

Consume

Procreate

Emancipate customers

Fine

 Totally fine.

Am I solely focusing on the negative critique, the loudest comment that resonates within the soul, or am I rightly justified in being annoyed that I'm the butt of jokes amongst the lady folk?

Suck it up, butternut.

Legends of the Trail

Theme: Journey
Conflict: Man vs Self
Intro: Leaving the office after a PDI, build into talking to a carrier, carrier counsel,
Story: one of a battle, struggle at first, recall advice from legends, conclude with guidance allowing positive outcome
Extra: include a twist somehow...maybe discuss 3996 and calling a supervisor, dropping the hammer on the supervisor, discipline in office, them getting in trouble
Outcome: exoneration, relief, protagonist turning into a legend


ABACABB - (A-5) (B-10)(C-8)

I was so pissed off.
I left the room, fuming at the bosses,
my hands were clenched tight, in frustration and self-doubt.

I can't believe that
I was being dumped on again
for some silly nonsense.

 "Oh, God.  Please help me.

Everything is going wrong in my life.

It's falling apart.

I have nothing to show for it."

"You will be alright. 

Follow the trail set before you

left behind by the others passing by."

I escaped from my personal hell
when I saw her, a fellow messenger in blue.
I begged her to stop and pleaded for assistance.

"Wha--- What do you mean?

I do believe they're trying to kill me.

What are you saying?

All they want is to see me fail."

"Like I said before, 

follow the trail set before you

left behind by the others passing by."

The heroine in blue pulled me into a corner, 

out of sight of the evil eye, and

she looked clearly into the windows of my soul.

"I feel so lonely.

All I want to do is work and go home.

How do you do it?

How do you deal with the bullshit?"

She soon fed me the tales of sweet triumph and bitter defeat

of lessons learned every day over several lifetimes, 

the same lessons that all messengers discover.

"Breathe, and listen well. 

Follow the trail set before you

left behind by the others passing by.

The guardians of the great clock, 

with their white hair of wisdom 

have walked thousands of miles, 

on roads so faraway from home.

The Messengers come day and night, 

basking in both blinding and fleeting light, 

suffering through knees that pop and shoulders that creak,

to bring comfort to those who await.

Without these brave men and women, 

the world will slow and

messages of import will be lost."

I was beginning to understand, 

this gig is about service and sacrifice, 

and it's bigger than individual pain.

"Swallow that feeling

of loss and despair because we're all here

doing the same thing

 and you are surely not alone.

Do what you must to  

 survive evil, wicked rulers above

 who instruct us without knowledge.

Every morning, we get dressed,

in tattered cloaks and true suits of armor that 

have passed the daily testament of nature's fury, 

The Messengers
are the only souls who walk and ride boldly, 

where no ordinary mortal will go,

into foreign lands that share kindness with no stranger.

 We have all been there.

Pay close attention to the examples

you see before you

and your life will get easier."

"You need to be tough, 

and don't let them break your spirit

This job is hard enough, so please take care."

They have ignored the calls to kill the messenger, 

fended off attacks from the four-legged foes and winged beasts from above, 

and followed the commands from the incompetent into certain doom.

To me they said, "Follow the trail before you, left behind by others passing by."

~

The legends of time's trials have guided me and taught the ways of success, and they told me to keep pressing on, and so I shall.

To me they said, "Follow the trail before you, left behind by others passing by."

Enjoyable

 After boom-boom,

"Enjoyable,"

Monotone drone

Well damn,

Ain't that a kick in the head

Peace

 I'm struggling to find my peace again.  All I feel is an inner turmoil, one that seeks to find balance while afloat in a rowboat poised delicately stop stormy seas. 

I read this helpful bit about stoicism, and I remember this gem from today's sermon: there are temptations and distractions all around you.  Find what you need, and don't become overly-invested emotionally.  What really roils is our perception and judgement of any scenario.  We can't control everything, but we can control how we react to whatever trigger is out there.

I'm drying out.  Boozin and snoozin set me on a course for steady losing.  The first day of quitting is always the worst.  Grumpiness abound.  Maybe I enjoy the pain of quitting.  Who knows.

Done with the sauce for August.

Wish me luck.

I Feel It

Shit, this might be it.  

We'll see. 

After dawn, 

the morning comes

to shine bright light 

upon your door's front.

Some dorks might say,

"What kinda shit is this?" 

and they'd be right, 

but they can suck it.

I could've said, 

'light shines so bright

after morn's dawn,' but 

then I'd be bound

by Hell's law 

to follow up 

with some drivel

like, "like Baby's breath

on your front lawn,"

(or some other spittle.)

[Bonus rhyme, eh!]

So, forgive me, but

I'm not doing all that.

Here's what I think, 

and let's leave it at that.

I did not run

from life's mistakes

instead I've done

whatever it takes

to do what's right

and just and fair...

all qualities found

in derrieres...

Although I am

misunderstood, 

it sure made sense

in my postal redbook.

I'm breaking free 

'cuz my time has come

I can't believe

what (in-the-world!) I've done.

I've felt the burn

of a thousand suns

as they descended from

searing breath of mgmt.

I used to commute

three hours a day

to carry among gunshots

for an 8-hour day.

You think I'm lying

but I'm really not,

I can't believe

I didn't get shot.

I wish I could

be a Postie's Man, 

for what it entails

defies my travails.

I'm just The Man

because of a plan

to swallow the shit 

and sidestep the demands.

I played the long game, 

five-year sin my hand...

traveling all over

this beautiful land.

I ne'er sought to

miss play dates

'cuz missin' the fam

will always frustrate.

I did the do

what you have to

do, play the game

and remain sane.

That'd be a lie, 

I must confess, 

'cuz my fam's best, 

but I digress.

How'er I just

wanna say,

"My wife is right, 

and so are the kids,"

So you can suck it

if you don't like it 

that I drive so slow

and walk so fast

to deliver mail

hear and their...

it's been fun

I had a blast.

I can't believe 

the miracles that,

that, I achieved

both far and near.

From strutting here

 and swaying there, 

I've finally found 

my sense of where.

I ultimately did

what I had to do

to get close to family 

who justly understood.  

Be a Man

 I drink to forget

About the pain and regret,

A thousand jabs

Before every sunset.

It's hard to believe

That this is my life,

How I tolerate

Shots fired by the wife.

It hurts to proclaim

That it's not a big deal,

To dismiss and ignore

How I truly feel.

"Be a Man," she had said,

As we sought to smash bugs, 

Surely it was in jest

As I choke tears back in my chest.

"Be a Man," she had said, 

Effortless in breath.

I must have forgot,

Love's grave's a slow death.

Acredale

 The first week is in the books.  Digging the office so far.  We'll see how long this lasts...

I remember being excited about Yorktown, and look at how that shit show turned out.

Anti-doctor

 I can't believe the doctor is anti-doctor.  Every month, I ask her to call the doctor, and every month, she tells me she's gonna wait a few days.  I'm gonna keep track of how many times I ask her.  I worry because if she's ignoring me now, then I'm in serious trouble when we're elderly.

Why do you have to talk to me like I'm a fucking idiot when you state "there's no cure for the common cold?" Why do you feel the desire to belittle me?  When did you lose respect for me as your husband?  You said, "please trust that I know what to do with my body," like I'm some misogynist.  When did you arrive at this misperception that I'm some neanderthal whom doesn't respect a woman's choice over her body?  I adore you, and I believe in equity in a relationship, but it hurts that you see me like I'm some jerk who's catcalling and grabbing asses.

I'm annoyed because you don't listen to me, you don't respect me as your partner, and you insult me when I look out for you.

Anxiety

 I need quiet.  Stillness.  I don't want to take the pills.  Maybe the naps are my way of reclaiming my peace.

I understand I have nothing to worry about.  But at the same time, I can't help it.  

I worry about finding the karate class that takes 3 year olds.  I worry about setting Jenny and Phil on the right path.  I worry about being the best supportive partner for Annie.  I worry about finding tranquility at work.  I worry about not worrying myself to death.

I've gotta find an outlet.  The bike helps.

Waterside

 I'm feeling pissy again.

Just the one two three punch combo set me off.

"Don't schedule my days off."

"It's too late for a bath."

"I'm looking for solutions, not criticism."

It's infuriating to always be ignored. At work.  At home.  I sometimes feel like I'm better off by myself.  Just to feel like I'm in control of something.  

First thing I'm doing after daddy duties is getting this fucking screen and headphone jack fixed.  I need to escape and get away from the madness that ensues.

Ugh...not again

 Not a good day, pal

Not a good day at all

At least you didn't cuss those fuckers out

What's the worst that you said?

"You suck, and you suck." Meh. Childish

"This timeclock isn't working, just like you."  Funny, but still childish

"Don't be mad at me because you're unhappy in your life and wildly insecure."  Ouch. OK, that might be it.

What are they gonna fuck you with tomorrow? Insubordination? Failure to follow instruction? Improper conduct?  We'll see.  

I feel the same way I did when I was couch-crashing in Philly.  Maybe I need to flip out every five years.  Perrenial reset.

What'd you expect for calling the cops on your bosses?

Never Too Much

 Yo, 

This morning started strangely.  On the way to work, I realized I was screaming at traffic again.  Alone.  In my car.  Irate.

I got to work, and tried tuning out the gossi£p, but I failed.  I should know better.

I honestly think getting a motorcycle can help with the commute and my happiness levels overall.

I'm in this office and carrying this long ass route, and everybody here has been brainwashed/conditioned into thinking they have to work like dramatic maniacs just to get the job done.  

I take my breaks, drive at a safe speed, but they gossip about me saying I'm conspiring against management.  It's not right.  Like, they don't even know me, but they adhere to the gossip and have constructed this misperception of me, and they treat me like dogshit based off of this misperception.  

They're nuts.

Tomatoes and Pineapples

 Yum

I'm on this new only-eat-rabbit-food kick, and it's not so bad.

Forced?

So this lady came up to me today, and a little background, she's a Trump fan...still...after the horror show of shitslinging, right?

She takes care of her 94 year old mom by doing errands like getting her mom's mail, every day, faithfully. So I'm thinking she can't be all that bad.

For a year, I've exchanged benign pleasantries, "Nice weather, am I right?" and the mailman's favorite: "No bills today, no news is good news!"  Some really basic banana bread type of shit. Every day, for a year, barely enough banter where I don't need to put in strenuous effort to tolerate her company.

Well today, my friend, we turned the page to a new chapter of our relationship.

Our conversation, verbatim:

"Hi, Mailman."

"Hey, it's nice to see you!"  And with everybody else I see on the street, I've pulled up my bandana over my nose and mouth and continue the conversation.  Since the pandemic began a year ago,  I've been wearing a navy blue bandana over my respiratory orifices.

"So did they force you to pull up your mask whenever you see people?"

Initially, I thought, 'WTF is she thinking and/or smoking?  Who is this 'they?'  What response is she expecting? Is she a QAnon Trumpee or just regular Trumpee?'

With the latter question, my response woukd change, behind Door #1, this response, possibly including a paranoid, magical dragon knowing all of her secrets, and tell em what's behind Door #2, that response, most likely involving me cussing her the fuck out.  Both fun choices, albeit quite unwise ones.

Meanwhile, this lady developed a nasty hacking cough over the past few days, and I have NEVER seen her wearing a mask.  Every day, for the past year.  No mask in sight on this birdbrain, right?

I've developed this new trait at work, and when I'm confronted with verbal or physical stupidity, I stare at someone's eyes in silence.  I don't move.  I don't blink.  I stare at them until they either cease stupidity or leave.  Been having the time of my life honing my craft.  Fine tuning it, like a blacksmith forging a blade of steel.  Sweat and glisten everywhere.

However, I'm a humble public servant, and I know I'm gonna see this broad every day because, if the airborne pandemic didn't stop her, you already know a brief moment of social awkwardness will do nothing to eliminate her relentless pursuit of pissiness.

So, what I wanted to say was "No, this mask protects me from stupidity, but at the moment, I suddenly realize this mask is wildly ineffective...or is it defective?'

However, saying such would inevitably bring me into the office tomorrow to hear a lecture from my supervisors, all of whom I extremely dislike.   I haven't determined what category they've fallen in, but I now reallize it's more accurately a Venn diagram, overlapping circles and degrees of stupidity, but point remains, I don't hate them.  They just annoy me.  Almost to no end.

Like getting poked in the ass by Korean children and being told, "It's a fun game," at minimum, once a week.

Anyway, what I did say was, "No comment,"  which filled me with infinite joy, like skipping naked through my own pleasure palace, slapping thousands of swaying tits as I hopalong through the hallway of herbal bliss, right?  And the entire time, the finest weed is pumping through the vents and my favorite song is blaring over the loudspeaker:

"I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar..."

Focus, Young....

Anyway, she was flabbergasted at my response, and I while dazed, I hit her with the "Have a nice day!"

Long story short

Things have been tense between us, and I offer a tale of frivolous trials as a source of mild entertainment.

Tell me something about work or life if you want, something that made you laugh recently.

Ugh TFS

 Yeah

This fucking sucks

Is this my life now?

Work a long shift, eat a frozen dinner, then spend the next 2 hours of my life cleaning up after four souls and tidying up the fucking house?

Is this really fucking it?

20 years of this shit?

Every

Fucking

Night

For the next

Twenty 

Fucking 

Years

Ugh

This fucking sucks

Why I Drink

 Nobody listens to me.

Not at home,

Not a work,

Makes me feel

Like sumb numb dumb jerk.

Wish i may

wish i might

be simply heard

sometime tonight.

Another One

 I'm overwhelmed by the impending revolution of the sun, a sense of fleeting mortality, and the wishlist of life slipping through my fingers.

A sumo wrestler sits on my chest, reading the Sunday funnies, and as he flips through the wispy pages, he comes upon a newfound determination to complete the world's largest crossword puzzle.  I have no choice.

Response

 What's the cure for disappointment?

Ask for nothing, and expect nothing.