Anxiety

 I need quiet.  Stillness.  I don't want to take the pills.  Maybe the naps are my way of reclaiming my peace.

I understand I have nothing to worry about.  But at the same time, I can't help it.  

I worry about finding the karate class that takes 3 year olds.  I worry about setting Jenny and Phil on the right path.  I worry about being the best supportive partner for Annie.  I worry about finding tranquility at work.  I worry about not worrying myself to death.

I've gotta find an outlet.  The bike helps.

Waterside

 I'm feeling pissy again.

Just the one two three punch combo set me off.

"Don't schedule my days off."

"It's too late for a bath."

"I'm looking for solutions, not criticism."

It's infuriating to always be ignored. At work.  At home.  I sometimes feel like I'm better off by myself.  Just to feel like I'm in control of something.  

First thing I'm doing after daddy duties is getting this fucking screen and headphone jack fixed.  I need to escape and get away from the madness that ensues.

Ugh...not again

 Not a good day, pal

Not a good day at all

At least you didn't cuss those fuckers out

What's the worst that you said?

"You suck, and you suck." Meh. Childish

"This timeclock isn't working, just like you."  Funny, but still childish

"Don't be mad at me because you're unhappy in your life and wildly insecure."  Ouch. OK, that might be it.

What are they gonna fuck you with tomorrow? Insubordination? Failure to follow instruction? Improper conduct?  We'll see.  

I feel the same way I did when I was couch-crashing in Philly.  Maybe I need to flip out every five years.  Perrenial reset.

What'd you expect for calling the cops on your bosses?

Never Too Much

 Yo, 

This morning started strangely.  On the way to work, I realized I was screaming at traffic again.  Alone.  In my car.  Irate.

I got to work, and tried tuning out the gossi£p, but I failed.  I should know better.

I honestly think getting a motorcycle can help with the commute and my happiness levels overall.

I'm in this office and carrying this long ass route, and everybody here has been brainwashed/conditioned into thinking they have to work like dramatic maniacs just to get the job done.  

I take my breaks, drive at a safe speed, but they gossip about me saying I'm conspiring against management.  It's not right.  Like, they don't even know me, but they adhere to the gossip and have constructed this misperception of me, and they treat me like dogshit based off of this misperception.  

They're nuts.

Tomatoes and Pineapples

 Yum

I'm on this new only-eat-rabbit-food kick, and it's not so bad.

Forced?

So this lady came up to me today, and a little background, she's a Trump fan...still...after the horror show of shitslinging, right?

She takes care of her 94 year old mom by doing errands like getting her mom's mail, every day, faithfully. So I'm thinking she can't be all that bad.

For a year, I've exchanged benign pleasantries, "Nice weather, am I right?" and the mailman's favorite: "No bills today, no news is good news!"  Some really basic banana bread type of shit. Every day, for a year, barely enough banter where I don't need to put in strenuous effort to tolerate her company.

Well today, my friend, we turned the page to a new chapter of our relationship.

Our conversation, verbatim:

"Hi, Mailman."

"Hey, it's nice to see you!"  And with everybody else I see on the street, I've pulled up my bandana over my nose and mouth and continue the conversation.  Since the pandemic began a year ago,  I've been wearing a navy blue bandana over my respiratory orifices.

"So did they force you to pull up your mask whenever you see people?"

Initially, I thought, 'WTF is she thinking and/or smoking?  Who is this 'they?'  What response is she expecting? Is she a QAnon Trumpee or just regular Trumpee?'

With the latter question, my response woukd change, behind Door #1, this response, possibly including a paranoid, magical dragon knowing all of her secrets, and tell em what's behind Door #2, that response, most likely involving me cussing her the fuck out.  Both fun choices, albeit quite unwise ones.

Meanwhile, this lady developed a nasty hacking cough over the past few days, and I have NEVER seen her wearing a mask.  Every day, for the past year.  No mask in sight on this birdbrain, right?

I've developed this new trait at work, and when I'm confronted with verbal or physical stupidity, I stare at someone's eyes in silence.  I don't move.  I don't blink.  I stare at them until they either cease stupidity or leave.  Been having the time of my life honing my craft.  Fine tuning it, like a blacksmith forging a blade of steel.  Sweat and glisten everywhere.

However, I'm a humble public servant, and I know I'm gonna see this broad every day because, if the airborne pandemic didn't stop her, you already know a brief moment of social awkwardness will do nothing to eliminate her relentless pursuit of pissiness.

So, what I wanted to say was "No, this mask protects me from stupidity, but at the moment, I suddenly realize this mask is wildly ineffective...or is it defective?'

However, saying such would inevitably bring me into the office tomorrow to hear a lecture from my supervisors, all of whom I extremely dislike.   I haven't determined what category they've fallen in, but I now reallize it's more accurately a Venn diagram, overlapping circles and degrees of stupidity, but point remains, I don't hate them.  They just annoy me.  Almost to no end.

Like getting poked in the ass by Korean children and being told, "It's a fun game," at minimum, once a week.

Anyway, what I did say was, "No comment,"  which filled me with infinite joy, like skipping naked through my own pleasure palace, slapping thousands of swaying tits as I hopalong through the hallway of herbal bliss, right?  And the entire time, the finest weed is pumping through the vents and my favorite song is blaring over the loudspeaker:

"I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar..."

Focus, Young....

Anyway, she was flabbergasted at my response, and I while dazed, I hit her with the "Have a nice day!"

Long story short

Things have been tense between us, and I offer a tale of frivolous trials as a source of mild entertainment.

Tell me something about work or life if you want, something that made you laugh recently.

Ugh TFS

 Yeah

This fucking sucks

Is this my life now?

Work a long shift, eat a frozen dinner, then spend the next 2 hours of my life cleaning up after four souls and tidying up the fucking house?

Is this really fucking it?

20 years of this shit?

Every

Fucking

Night

For the next

Twenty 

Fucking 

Years

Ugh

This fucking sucks