Yorktown

I think this is it.

I don't want to jinx it, but I think this is it!

Something something

My life is running away from me.  No decision is mine.  It's all out of control.

I bend at will to however the wind blows.  I overcompensate because I fear I'm not picking up the slack.

I forget what makes me shine.

I go back and forth, I don't know what I want, I'm a moody SOB.

I'm upset when I bring it up.  I'm upset when you bring it up.

You don't listen to me.

You don't listen to me.

You don't listen to me...

Maybe the problem is, I have no fight in me.  It seems like that's what you want.  You want to go back and forth, and I just don't have the energy for that.  I'm on reserves.  Depleted.  On fumes.  But, I have to keep on.  Keep on going.  Keep on pushing.  Like Boxer, "I will do better" is all I seem to say nowadays.  Never thinking.  Just pummeling my body until I can see the breaking point.

I need a break.  From this.  From it all.

But, I can't give in.  I have to wait.  

Short-term sacrifice, Long-term gain.

Stay strong.

Keep tough.

You're weak, but you're not broken.

You can do this.  Quit being a little bitch.

Asuma

Why?

Why am I struggling?

Why do I do what I do?  I've got nothing left for what's most important to me, Annie and Jenny.

I'm not leading the life I want to live.

I'm letting my life be governed by others, and it needs to stop.

I have to remember what keeps me whole.

Music

Home-brew

Gardening

I need to prioritize.

Dark days

Thieves of joy
Scribes of lies
Nefarious agents of a timely demise

They hide in the shadows
Of their Benzes and Rovers
To pounce on a courier
And make him bend over.

Thieves of joy
Scribes of lies
Nefarious agents of a timely demise

They ask us a question
And scoff at the truth
With spit-filled coffee breath
flooding the room.

What's the point
Of a failure at craft
To supervise those
Who are still on the raft?

Whoever said
There had to be smarts
To wear a suit and tie
And be filled with hot farts?

Why reason with
A team of obtuse donkeys
If they'll only stay
For six more, long weeks?

Thieves of joy
Scribes of lies
I can't wait to tell you
"So long,  and goodbye."

Sputtering

It's not right.

I don't think you realize how it's doing my head in.  Everything I do is for you, but you don't want to give me 15 minutes.

What's the point? Why am I suffering?  Why do I keep asking?  When did I become less assertive? Less vocal? So motherfucking submissive?

You say one thing, but you do another.

I'm unraveling, thread by thread, but you don't see it.

I'm trapped, and I need to escape.

Needy

Am I a needy person?

I feel like the more I try to not cause waves,  the more I clean out all-you-can-eat and do cannonballs.

I'm so excited to talk to you that I miss the cues of what you wanna do. You're crushing it, Mom -extraordinaire.   Sometimes,  I feel it's better if I just stay out of the way.

Whaaaaaaat?!

What am I  doing?  Seriously, what in the everliving fuck am i doing?   It's temporary, it's temporary, it's Harry Cary...

It's funny how a glass of wine can solve life's problems. I completely forgot what i was stressed about.